Fall too soon

fall

You can just barely see the yellow leaves, but they are there in the tree and all over the ground.

This was Ada’s summer – from the time I started showing to the time she was born still to the worst of my grief for her.

Now the summer is almost over. The cherry tree outside our house is already turning colors and dropping leaves. I am dreading the fall. How did it get here so fast?

October is Halloween, November is Thanksgiving, December is Christmas and all will be without Ada.

Ada was supposed to be a Halloween baby. We would have dressed her up in some silly costume for her newborn pictures, maybe a pumpkin or a lion. Can you imagine? She would be been so cute. We would have laughed and laughed and she would have that amazing smile that only babies can smile.

Then there’s baby’s first Thanksgiving. She would have been much too little for turkey but it would have been the first family Thanksgiving at our house. She’d have gotten some adorable bib with a turkey on it and we’d have tons of pictures.

Christmas, well, it’s Christmas. The time for family. And while I love my family of 2 humans plus dogs and cats, it’s just not going to be the same without Ada. She would have  been two months old, sleeping reasonably well. She would have gotten lots of toys and books and clothes. We would have had baby’s first photo with Santa and hosted lots of friends and family at the house for her first big appearances.

So many firsts… never to happen.

Fall is coming and to make matters worse the butterflies will soon all be gone.

It’s too much to bear.

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